The Middle Wife

Someone forwarded this email to me and I thought it was so hilarious!  I don't really care if it is a true story or not, it is funny no matter what. It is not about a pregnant teacher but I think it is worth adding to this blog!

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater..

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten.. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Daddy

I don't know if my 22 month old daughter knows my name (other than Mommy).  It is a difficult name for children to say anyway.  But I know she knows her daddy's name.  One night while Daddy was at work she said, "Where's Curtis?"  I asked, "What?" She then went searching through the house, most of the time just looking at the front door to the house, saying, "Curtis, where are you? Curtis, where are you?  Dada, where are you?  Daddy, where are you?  Daddy, where are you?" It didn't matter if I told her that he was at work, she continued to call out for him.

Baby comments by children

Here are some more comments kids have made about being pregnant.  Enjoy this link.

Funny comments

Here are some more funny comments made by kids that I found.  Enjoy this link.

Funny Kids

I found some more funny things kids have said about pregnancy.  So funny.  Enjoy this link!

More quotes

Do you want to read more quotes from kids about pregnancy?  I'm not pregnant again, but here is a link with more fun quotes!

My Bump

Students always ask me "How's your baby?" or "How is Hannah?" But one day I got a different question. . .

On Fridays we can where jeans to school.  One day I wore jeans and a Tee-shirt that said, "I love my bump. I love my bump."  Many of the students didn't know what it meant, when they asked, I said, "I love my bump," and then I rubbed my belly.  The student would then say, "Ohhh."  Some of the older students thought it was funny.

A few weeks later, I went to a second grade classroom to give something to one of the students.  A student came up to me and asked, "How's your bump?"